So I fail at this blog once a day for a year thing. I think I am going to lessen the terms given that there is not only public drinking here but also a lack of wireless internet in my otherwise perfect apartment.
I have been here for about three weeks and here are some things I have learned about New Orleans: the roads are for total shit, New Orleans is going through "submerged water" road rebuilding and could not come any faster. It's so bad in fact I think I have ruined my front axle. Every single street is a one way, when you want to turn right you can't, when you want to turn left you better think again. This is all complicated by the fact that everyone drives like they are coming down from a serious coke addiction. Serena and I were talking about what a fantastic invention the turn signal is, and where it has its origins. The people of New Orleans know nothing of their turn signals--they don't even make the effort to put it on when they have already turned. When you drive here you should not only check your bling spot but also your psycho spot, which is a 360 degree sweep of everything that is going on around you and to look for that one asshole 100 feet back who is going to pass you at like 90 MPH and just about kill you. Coming from Boulder I have bad road rage, but here you just sit in your car and shake your head like: did that really just happen? yes. and your still alive lets celebrate by having a hurricane while driving shall we? And no one honks at each other, it's all very courteous besides the life threatening driving. oh, the south.
Random bullets here used to/ are still a problem I hear. Apparently it is tradition to shoot your gun in the air on new years--but the death toll of this tradition has gotten so high the city has outlawed it. the Times-Picayune publishes a note asking people to please please not shoot these random bullets into the air. Also! something that I love: at Christmas time the people of new orleans await papa noel. who is the cajun santa. They light bon fires all along the levees that surround the city so papa noel can deliver boiled crabs and hush puppies into New Orleanian's stockings. This tradition is so cool in fact that there are tours around the levees during the holidays so tourists can witness.
People drink everywhere. one of the other not awesome reasons to live here along side high crime, morbid economy and the potential of being totally wiped out by a hurricane. I think all of these reasons is why I get the "you're moving WHERE? why would you do that?" from literally almost everyone I talk to.
But the truth is, I have this massive crush on this city. so much so that I make excuses for it. For example: high crime? Erin justification: it must just be a phase and it doesn't happen in my neighborhood! I am pretty much as enthusiastic about this city as the natives if not more. I love the way this city drips with moisture, I love that people have so much love and adoration for something so beat to shit. Something I have also learned people hold onto things here. Not "things" like you and I would define it but symbols of community, tradition, and just the plain "good ol' days" Like today I met Rene Brunet who has owned and operated the Prytania theater for more than 70 years! Can you believe that? everyday he comes to work in his "movie" tie, and god I wish you could see just how god damned inviting this man is. He told me that the theater has undergone many remodels, which now include a digital projector, 3D ability and a new popper as of the last 3 years. This is huge in Louisiana's oldest theater. The only original theater left in New Orleans. I walked in to the theater today to see the new Toy Story and I just about walked by him but he looked right at me, smiled his giant southern mouth and said "Don't forget your 3D glasses!" Amazing that the owner was working a friday afternoon as an usher. I had to stop and talk to him. Or like the Zeitoun family that I have been reading about in Dave Eggers latest book which is about a Muslim man who stays in New Orleans during Katrina and helps his neighbors and clients with nothing but an aluminum canoe. Zeitoun is arrested by Homeland Security in his own home five days after the storm and is detained in a maximum security prison with no bail and no phone call. Daily pepper sprayings and the accusation that he is a terrorist. During the ordeal his wife Kathy in Baton Rouge presumes him dead. There is justice for this New Orleans family and--THEY MOVE BACK. The completely rebuild their house and refuse to leave uptown New Orleans. There is something about this place I swear to god.
And there is just something willful and wildly romantic about the attention paid to detail and beauty here, crumbling and fading beauty that needs constant attention--it makes this city unlike any other. I can sit on my porch and the wood on the balcony peels and molds in my hands. your home must be sprayed yearly for termites and my entire apartment sits at a complete tilt. but I love everything about it. I love the way it smells, I love the giant bathtub, the ironwork around my neighborhood, the sound of the street car and most of all, the blasting A/C unit. You can hear music everywhere, even in your sleep here. People really do talk to each other here. Quaker has almost an entire aisle of all the flavored grits you can get here. "sno-balls" are served by the boat load here and you can get condensed milk in them. brilliant.
I will admit that this is the first time in my life I have truly been alone. No parents, no boyfriend, no roommate, no friends. not a soul in New Orleans knows me. This is only the first full day of this new life but I feel achy in my chest about it. This thing of missing someone, lacking in their presence is not something I am used to. I have never suffered a death of someone extremely close to me, I have never left home. granted I have been heartbroken, but this is new. its quiet and sometimes crippling. I know it's early to be saying all of this but I feel a bit emptied. Like my beans have spilled out, the core of who I am is very far away. which has lead to me to realize how much I have not really been living in my body. I have felt pretty numbed out for the past...god many many years. So many distractions from living with me. I should cherish this opportunity. But I can't help but feeling so raw, like I am fresh from the womb. No one around to reflect me and in turn I feel totally fragmented--for the moment. All of my childish coping mechanisms are deactivated and no longer working. there is something obviously cleansing about this but it doesn't make it easier or fun.
I had a dream about being married last night. like the southern women are down here. big ring, nice car and the knowledge. oh the knowledge of that person. and it was matt who wore a silver band around his ring finger and he was wearing a button down, and nice shoes. we were trying to get to each other in Jackson Square and the police wouldn't let me cross the square and get to him. i circled him for hours and exhausted I slept on the street. and by the morning he was gone. I don't now what it meant but sometimes I have these wild urges to have this classically married life. which let me tell you is strange for someone who has enough marriage/divorce baggage to cripple a horde of desperate 30-somethings. I wish I could articulate really what it feels like to miss the presence of someone you love. I miss the weirdest things. I know many of you reading this already know the feeling of being far away from someone you love. and for the record I don't really want to be married like the southern women here...haha.
Something new and exciting: I think I finally understand the Beatles. It seems to be the theme music for the last 2 weeks. But the song I can't stop listening to: 'Oh sweet nothing" by The Velvet Underground.
So Erin why did you move to New Orleans?
The food of course!
I remember what it was like first moving to a city where I knew no one. I had the oddest sense of myself. I was also only 21, but I remember being afraid that I would loose sight of the person I had become, but I was also so excited to make myself whomever I wanted to be. But I would like to share with you a little something I learned...you are a wonderful person, and the things that make you wonderful will never change, it's only the odd little habits no one pays any attention to that change. So while you sit and ponder who you are without the people you love to surround you, reminding you of who that person is, sit in front of the mirror. That is the only person who reflects what that means. In the short time that I've known you (and boy was it short) I see that you are a caring person, willing to always forgive people in spite of their flaws, and someone not afraid to challenge herself. You will be fine. You are meeting friends already!
ReplyDeleteBy moving around so much growing up, I also learned that every place is the same. Sure the back-drop changes (mountains or oceans, fields or desert) but the people, the communities...they are all the same. It's just a matter of finding YOUR people, and where your community lies within your new surroundings.
I hope this helps. Know that the people you left are still your people, no matter where you are. I miss your person, your wisdom and your sarcasm. -Nikki